Red Burtts Storys

Is your cat smarter than you are:

Cats are very strange and mysterious creatures; they were buried with the Kings and Queens of ancient Egypt because it was believed that they were directly linked to the Gods.
Ours was such a cat. Blackie was eight years old when we started to let her into our home. She was what some call a “Halloween Cat”, completely black in color with yellow eyes. She had lived on our property wintering in the large barn and in the good weather spending all her time in the woods. (That is, until she adopted us)

During the summer months, my wife would walk up the hill behind our house and sit in a large lawn chair that had been placed near the tree line of the several hundred acres of forest that lay beyond.
We had deer, moose, coyotes, fox and many other wild animals that we would often see living in these woods.
This is where Blackie lived, she had gone wild. (Cats that have done this are known as “Feral Cats”)
As my wife would settle down to read, this little shiny black cat with yellow eyes would suddenly appear as if out of nowhere and sit exactly on the line that separated our lawn from the woods. Blackie liked to talk, as soon as my wife would glance her way she would chirp, but would come no closer than the tree line.
This little game went on for several weeks, I told my wife one day to move her chair a little closer to the trees where Blackie would sit.

As each day wore on, she would come a little closer to my wife’s chair until she finally would let my wife put her hand on her, but only for a few seconds. This had to be done very slowly as any sudden movement on my wife’s part would cause Blackie to dash into the woods and not be seen for the rest of the day.

This routine went on for one whole summer until finally one day after letting my wife scratch behind her ears, she jumped up on the chair and settled in my wife’s lap.

I wanted each step of this “seduction” to be done on her terms, I didn’t want my wife to just pick her up and force her into anything , we had plenty of time.

Now a whole new phase would begin, getting her to come to our back door. I have found that most cats love tasty foods that they have never eaten before and I had just the thing. I have always told my wife and anybody else that would listen that I am smarter than a cat.
My wife likes all organic and natural foods and she had a fresh container of all natural Vanilla Yogurt.

I was in charge now, no cat is going to put anything over on me, I told my wife to mix a little warm milk with the yogurt, then go to the door and get the cats attention, then place the bowl about ten feet from the house and come back inside and close the door.
Sure enough, after ten minutes or so she came slinking out from under a big Lilac Bush.
She was still a wild cat, she didn’t like being out in the open, after all, how did she know that we didn’t have a couple of Coyotes in our kitchen that we might turn loose at any moment.
With one eye on us and the other scanning the back yard she lapped up the yogurt and milk as fast as she could. When she finished, she made a beeline for the deep woods, this was round number one, and I was the winner.

Over a week went by after this first feeding without seeing her again. It was October now and the weather was cold and damp, my wife had stopped sitting out of doors but this smart little cat knew exactly where we were.
Each morning as I made my coffee I would glance out the glass kitchen door that gave us a view of the whole back yard, why was I doing this, did this cat have control over me already?
Sure enough, one morning as I looked at the lilac bush, there deep in the shadows I could make out the two little yellow eyes, they seemed to be staring right through me. I shouted to my wife “get the yogurt out, round two is coming up and I will win”.

Her visits to our back door were more frequent now, two or three times a week. She wasn’t used to me yet so I would have my wife put out the yogurt, but I was running this show, this cat didn’t know it yet but some day this winter she would be under my control and sitting in my living room with me watching TV.
I was in complete charge now and I instructed my wife to keep placing the bowl of warm yogurt closer and closer to our back door. I watched with satisfaction and pride each day as the results of my superior intelligence over this cat unfolded.

Snow was on the way, one cold November morning when Blackie was sitting under the lilac bush waiting for her hand out I made the decision that it was time for me to demonstrate again to her that I was far more intelligent than any cat.
After my wife had prepared the yogurt I instructed her to place the dish inside the kitchen, about six feet in from the back door, I then told her to move back several steps but close enough to reach the bowl.
I positioned myself behind the open door; my wife then called the cat and lifted the bowl to show her that the yogurt was waiting for her.
Very cautiously, she approached the door, eyes darting from side to side, she did not like this at all but the thought of that warm yogurt and the fact that she now trusted my wife led her on.

She was in, I won again, I waited a few seconds to let her lap up some yogurt then sprung my trap, “I simply closed the door”.

It took a few seconds for her to realize what happened, then it hit her, the escape route was gone. I told my wife that we both should go into the other room and leave her; I did not want her to panic and start climbing the walls.
We stayed perfectly still and watched as she slowly went over the whole kitchen smelling every thing and constantly looking for danger.
The yogurt was forgotten, what she wanted now was out. I waited maybe ten minutes or so then I slowly went to the door, she cowered but didn’t run as I came closer, when I opened the door she shot out like a rocket racing for the safety of the forest. We didn’t see her again for a week or more. I could wait, I was smarter than she was, or so I thought and I had the yogurt.

The first snow of the winter was upon us and it was coming down hard. I love snow, one of the things I miss most since my legs have started to fail me is getting dressed and prowling around the woods with a dog in a good old fashioned New England snow storm, but I have the memories for I did it many, many times in the past.

By eleven thirty that evening there was about five inches of snow on the ground, each night before going to bed I would go to the back door, put the outdoor light on, and look around.
The whole yard was a blanket of fresh white wind blown snow and it was very cold and still snowing hard. I turned the light off and headed for bed.

I am a firm believer that cats can read your mind, hypnotize you and put you under their control if you let them, no damn cat was going to do this to me.

I walked out of the kitchen into the living room and for no reason stopped, turned around and went back to the kitchen door and looked out. There in all this white was a lone dark spot about twenty feet from the house. I did not put the floodlight on but instead got a flashlight and shined it on the object. Sure enough, two little glowing eyes appeared staring right at me.
Time to get the yogurt out, I called my wife and told her to get ready I wanted to see if the cat would fall for my trap again. It did not take as long this time, but she came in very slowly, sniffing and glancing from side to side. I didn’t wait for her to start eating, as soon as she cleared the door I shut it.
She didn’t panic or run all over the house, she just hunkered down and remained motionless as much as to say, “if your going to kill me go ahead”. I put the kitchen light out and we went into the other room leaving her alone in the kitchen with her yogurt.
I wasn’t going to bed now, there was a war to be won, man against cat.
Several minutes went by and then in the darkness I could hear the slurp, slurp, slurp of the little tongue lapping up the warm yogurt and milk. I had just won another round.

Now a decision had to be made, I wasn’t prepared for an overnight visit by a cat. I didn’t have a litter box, but it was now midnight and I am an early riser which meant if she stayed in overnight it would only be six or seven hours and I was sure she could handle that and I was very anxious to see the results of my victory over this cat.

She lapped up the remaining yogurt then went over to the back door and started to wash her face, all the while glancing around the room for any sign of danger.
I was the one she kept an eye on, she was starting to completely trust my wife but I was another story.
As I mentioned earlier, animals love foods that they have never had before and I was sure that this cats main diet for the past eight years had been birds and rodents. Well I had a new weapon in this battle of the wits between man and cat. A large piece of “Maine Fried Chicken” with the nice greasy skin still on it.

Cats purr when they are washing their face and as I slowly moved into the kitchen to open the refrigerator, I could hear the little motor going in the darkness.

I turned the light on just before opening the refrigerator door and she froze, she sat perfectly still just staring at me waiting for my next move.
I cut a piece of chicken from one of the breasts and made sure that there was a large piece of skin attached to it. I placed this onto a paper plate and slowly put it in front of her. She didn’t move, she kept staring at me, she still didn’t know me well enough, but the aroma of Cold Fried Chicken got the best of her.
I hurried back into the living room to again watch the results of my superior intelligence.

I thought I was winning this battle but this little black cat with yellow eyes was slowly but surely gaining complete control over me, even when I wasn’t looking at her.

I sat in the darkness and waited for her to finish the chicken. Over a half hour went by, then realizing that there was no immediate danger she came slinking into the living room and very slowly climbed up onto the couch and settled into a corner, she positioned herself so that she would have full view of me. She knew that outside the wind was howling and the snow was blowing.
She remained there all night.

After several weeks she seemed to be right at home with us, I had led myself to believe that I had won this war, but now, this small little animal had complete control over me. When I would glance at the back door she would be just sitting there staring through the glass at me sending her magic message that would say, “get over here and let me in, now”, no matter what I was doing I would stop and run to the door and let her in. If we went shopping or out somewhere for several hours and left her in the house, when we returned, she would be sitting in the big picture window staring at me as I got out of the car with a look that said “get in here and let me out”. I would run into the house to obey her command……Did she win the war??

If you live in a farm house in Maine, you have mice, within two weeks she had completely rid our apartment of all these pesky little rodents, sometimes waking me in the middle of the night in our bedroom with her “chirping” to have me watch her chase and slap these unlucky little animals around our bedroom, she was very proud of her kill.

Blackie lived with us for four years, during those four years she ran the house, demanding to be let out, demanding to be let in. She developed another trick she used on me to make sure I was still under her spell. She would go to the door and sit down, then she would turn her head, look at me and “chirp” this meant that I should immediately run, not walk and let her out, as soon as I opened the door she would walk back into the living room and jump up on her favorite chair and start washing her face. She did this to test me, to make sure, that when she gave the signal, I was to jump. She also did this when she was out doors, she would sit by the glass door, stare in at me and open her mouth, I would obediently jump out of my chair to let her in, when I opened the door she would walk away and vanish into the woods.

My private little war for control between “Man & Cat” was over. I could be shopping in a store fifty miles from home and suddenly say to myself “we better hurry home, the cat may want to go out”. This little cat took complete control over me and she ran the house, she was in charge. If I was sitting in a chair that she had suddenly decided she wanted to lay down in and wash her face, she would sit directly in front of me and just stare at me…I, like some trained idiot, would get up and sit somewhere else…This cat won this war the very first day I let her into the house..She knew it, but it took me four years to realize it.

This little “Black Cat” died in my arms. Whenever we were away from home and Blackie was out she would wait for us in a wooded area across the street from our house. By doing this, she would know exactly when we arrived. Then she would trot across the street chirping and sending me a magic message that said “ where have you been, lets get in that house, I’m Hungry”.

On the day she left us, we had been out shopping and as we parked the car my wife said, “here comes the cat, she looks strange”. I took one look and knew something was very wrong; there was no greeting, no chirping or purring. She was walking very slowly stopping every so often and just staring at me, finally she just crumpled in the driveway.

I walked over to her and picked her up, she was staring right into my eyes with a look that said “fix me” I could feel her little heart pounding, as I carried her up the stairs she tightened and quivered still looking directly into my eyes, she opened her mouth, then her whole body went limp. She was gone.

My wife and I put her into a makeshift “body bag” and took her up into the woods that she loved. We buried her under a large Apple Tree that she often climbed up into when she wanted to survey her little kingdom…

Two years have passed since we buried her in the forest, at times on a cold snowy night I still walk to the back door, put on the flood light and peer through the glass looking for a small black spot in the blowing snow, “Is she still playing tricks on me from somewhere beyond”? “Could be”.

“Every Man Should Own A Cat, At Least Once Before He Dies
Author: Red Burtt